ch ch ch changes

Sorry blog...I've recently been cheating on you with twitter.
As sad as it is to admit (to myself), I broke down and got a twitter account. It's quite addicting! But as fun as it is, I never plan on referring to it as "tweeting". I guess I'm just not a devotee yet. So anyways, you should follow me...cause I'm cool like that. (Laura Maddox or lkm824)

On another completely different note, isn't it crazy to think about how fast life travels?
I feel like so much is changing. It is scary, yet really exciting! A lot of people around me have big things going on in their lives right now; I know people going on trips all around the country, friends that are in new relationships that survive on whole different level than high school relationships, my sister is going to start to try to have a baby in a few months and everything is just changing at a rapid speed. I feel like it's making me begin to view life through the eyes of an adult instead of the eyes of a child.

When I was younger I simply despised change. I couldn't stand not knowing what was going to happen or realizing that something was different than it was before. But now, thankfully, I've begun to embrace it little by little. I feel like the value of my life has increased with each year I gain. I can't believe how old I am and how close I am to "the real world". I feel so little and unexperienced; I feel like when I graduate from college and try to get interview at a real job people are going to look at me and wonder why I'm there.

(I'm in need of a look-older-makeover! The other day a woman asked me how old I was at an exercise class because "people 12 and under get in free..." I mean sure I'd love to get in free but I'll be 19 in August woman!)

Last night Mel and I were talking about how weird it is that in a few years we could be getting engaged. ME!? ENGAGED!? SAY WHAT!? That's just crazy. Of course, at the rate I'm going right now that won't be happening for quite a while... but still. So many of my friends are in relationships that have the potential to be so much more. They're dating guys that could one day be their husbands. It's so much fun to look at wedding dresses, rings, flowers and the colors you want your bridesmaids to wear. We've begun to pick up bride magazines in Barnes and Noble to flip through the pages imagine our "Big Day". I can't even imagine my friends getting married. I could be a bridesmaid! I could have a husband in like 5 years! I could be making an actual salary! It's like one second you're graduating from high school, and the next thing you know your Dad is walking you down the isle and pretty soon you have a baby on the way!

I can't wait for it. Bouquets, white gowns, soft baby skin, my own place, a real job, a loving husband, EVERYTHING. I can't wait...but I have to. So I'm going to enjoy life as it is now, anticipate the changes to come and keep wishing in my head for that perfect fairy-tale life.

Twelve Oaks Summer

I like to think that the idea that I was blessed with an amazing family is a complete understatement. Sometimes when I tell people about my family they tell me that we're the "all American Family" (we're no Brady Bunch) but I like to believe that what they're saying is pretty close to the truth. I was gifted with a family that isn't just a family but also great friends.

My parents met in Middle School and were married very young, not even out of college. After a couple years of marriage Ashley was born when my mom was only 23 and a few years later, Mark followed. And just when they thought they would round out their family with a 3rd child... surprise, surprise - they were given 2; Me and Lindy. AW, TEAR!

But, now that we're all grown (Ashley's 23 and married to John, Marks 20 and Lindy and I will be 19 in August) I've realized that God didn't just give me a brother and two sisters, he gave me friends that I love hanging out with.

Hanging out with "the fam" isn't something that a lot of families can say they do without it being considered F.F.F. 0r Forced Family Fun, but I'm proud to say mine can. And while all of the memories I've made with my family are important to me, some of the best memories have been made over the summer.

We've - gone to redneck family reunions in Mississippi

- traveled to London, Paris, Prague, Vienna, Rome and Switzerland

- watched many an episode of Gullah Gullah Island crosslegged in front of the TV with a turkey sandwich, pickle and cheetos

- taken baths together in a tiny little bathtub

- Traveled on many a church trip

- Sat on the porch playing Jamaican Dominos and Paper Telephone

- played in the sprinkler on hot July Days

- Gone to visit Uncle Mike also referred to as "unky monkey" in West Palm Beach

and had many, many other average yet extraordinary summer days.

So, long story short, my brother and sisters mean so much to me. Ever since we were little we've made so many memories made together over the summer. So... I wrote a poem called Twelve Oaks Summer. Twelve Oaks is the street we live on, the street of our wonderful home and every summer with my family on Twelve Oaks is a summer I'll cherish forever.

Twelve Oaks Summer

Bare-feet walk;

SLAP SLAP SLAP

against the sun warmed pavement.

A homegrown backdrop.

Deep baptist roots and a house that

whispers tales of cozy hugs and crooked smiles.

Citrusy, tart and sweet;

We gulp in our contentment

and glasses full of tangy lemonade.

Symphonic crickets play their tune

composed of fresh cut grass, summer skies

and rowdy laughter of sugary bliss.

Together; genuine friendship

a joke to share, a smile to give, a life of love -

just another summer on Twelve Oaks.

" talkin' bout my generation..."

Truth is - I have a really screwed up generation.

(so please excuse me for a few minutes as I step up onto my pedestal)

Have you ever thought about our generation? I mean, really thought about the values, beliefs and ideals for our generation.

Skewed would be the perfect adjective to describe it. We're idealist. We hope and believe in a perfect future. We want what we want, and there's nothing you can do about it. We want money, we want luxury, we want excitement, and we want to be happy 24/7. A sad majority of us are greedy and immoral; we've lost sight of our true purpose.

It's really sad to me, to look back at pictures from when I was younger; to see the smiling faces of all my friends peering up at me and to think about where they are now.

They aren't all going downhill, I have a really great group of friends, but a surprising number are. They range from Alcoholics & "druggies" to sex obsessed people with no standards.

What happened to, I don't know, waiting to have sex until marriage? Having a good time when you're not high, drunk or tipsy? I know this might sound like a HUGE STRETCH to some people... but YOU CAN HAVE FUN WITHOUT THAT STUFF. Shocking, I know.

It's really kind of pathetic and actually quite sad.

It makes me miss the good old days. The days when we were all friends no matter if we drank or not. When we could hang out and not think about things like that. I miss being able to walk up to someone on the playground and start a friendship up on the spot. I miss the naive belief that everyone had values.

I don't want you to think I'm being hypocritical, I tried drinking my first semester. (not drugs, trust me) But honestly, I didn't really like it. I liked how it made me fit in, how it made me feel "cooler". But on the other hand, it made me feel unstable, immature and really distant from God. (as cheesy as that sounds)

It really saddens me to see my friends going down the wrong path. With some of them, the connection just isn't there any more. Especially with my Christian friends, the ones who went on Church trips with me in middle and high school and can probably still sing the lyrics of Big House and Pharaoh Pharaoh by heart . But we just don't have the common thread of Jesus in our lives anymore. Sometimes I just feel like grabbing them by the shoulders, shaking them and saying "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"

Today my mom said something along the lines of "their parents may not know, their friends may not know but GOD knows...." And you know what, she's right. They can run from the mirrors that our their true, Christian friends, but they can't run from God.

I am by no means a prude. I'm not perfect, anti-fun, a bible-thumping christian, judgmental, or trying to change who you are. Do what you want to do, I don't care. But if you feel like it, maybe you could just look back at yourself and try to find the old you. Scrape away that plastic facade you've been using for the past few years. Try to find the you whose purpose in life matches God's purpose for you.

" talkin' bout my generation..."

all about MWAH.

So I wanted to share some facts about myself just for the heck of it. Heres a few...

I'm 4'10 (extremely short). I sweat all too much because I have hyperhydrosis. I eat more then a lot of grown men could eat. I'm not very outdoorsy. I complain too much and need to work on it. I love smiling. I'm left handed. Lindy and I are mirror twins. I like to randomly start singing when I'm at home. I love to watch food network.

I love to travel, especially to historic places. I loved going on the inauguration trip and being able to witness something so monumental. I love knowing that I'm standing where so many remarkable people have stood before. I love to discover new things and visit new places.

I love to dance. I like hip hop the best. I love listening to music and dancing around the room and just letting go. I've always loved to dance and I think I always will.

I like being goofy. I like making funny faces and dancing around in the kitchen. I like using different accents and pretending that I'm funny. I love sarcasm and quoting movies that I've seen. I love to laugh, I like making people laugh and I like when they make me laugh. It's the best medicine.

I love being neat. I make my bed up every single morning. Originally it was so I wasn't tempted to get back in it but I even made up my lofted bed in my dorm (heres a picture) every morning. Making up your bed can make your room look so much cleaner even if it's not that clean. I like knowing everything has its own place to go. I love organization.
I love using my imagination. I think that's why I enjoy writing and reading so much. I like the land of make believe. I like to believe in the impossible and think the unthinkable. I like having no boundaries for what can or can't happen. I like dreaming up Mr. Right, the perfect vacation, or a pair of jeans that fit so well they can't be real. I love to imagine.
I don't like to get Advice. I like it when I ask for it, but other than that, I'd rather come up with my own solution. I appreciate it when it's given to me but most of the time it hurts my pride to hear it. I like thinking that I know everything. Doesn't everyone?
I actually love to be alone. I like having time to myself to get my thoughts together - "me time". I think its relaxing to not have to talk to anyone or care about anyone but yourself, even for just a few minutes.

Mexican food. 'Nuff said.

Hugging has to be my most favorite thing in the entire world. EVER. seriously. I miss hugging when I'm at school. At home, I can get 5 different hugs from 5 different people everyday without missing a beat but at school I can't just randomly hug people. Well, I could, but that'd be weird. I love being small cause I can fit just perfectly when I give someone a hug. It releases endorphins and makes you smile. Hug someone today if you haven't, you'll be glad you did.
I love to cook. I love onions, garlic, spicy food, soup, and anything savory. I LOVE to COOK but on another note, I HATE LEFTOVERS. No thanks, I don't want your congealed food from 2 nights ago. LOVE COOKING, hate leftovers.There is nothing like wrapping up in a soft blanket. I like for the blanket to be wrapped really tight like a cocoon and the safe feeling it gives you. I love holding it up to my face and feeling all cozy and content.
I love photography. I love to be able to capture a moment and the people in it. I love experimenting with the colors and angles and everything about it.
I love playing guitar. I have a blue guitar that I got about 5 years ago. I love the accomplishment I feel when I learn a song and it sounds just like the radio. I love printing out new sheet music off the computer and sitting cross-legged on my floor and playing until my fingers hurt. I love harmonizing with my sisters and pretending I can sing. I heart my guitar.
I despise mayonnaise. I hate the sound it makes when you stir it, I hate its awkward color, I hate the taste. I hate how gross and fattening it is and how it takes forever to go bad. I hate mayonnaise. (I have a few exceptions, but most of the time I hate it.)
I HATE HATE HATE the word Moist. The combination of the two vowels together make it an obnoxious sounding word and the definition of it is gross too. "would you like a moist toilette?" NO! EW!
Harry Potter. Best Books Ever. Great Movies. Great Friends. Great pastime. LOVE.
I have a love for fashion. I like pairing different things together and exploring my clothes to come up with new outfits. I love winter clothes, layering, hats, handbags, and everything about it. I like dressing cute on a day when no one else feels like it. I like standing out and being the little girl in the cute boots. I love fashion.
I don't like olives. I don't like the texture or the smell or anything about them! I am not picky but OLIVES are GROSS!
I love to read. I love how reading lets you escape reality. It takes you into places that you would never be able to travel to in real life. It makes you forget about your troubles of today and become anyone you want to be. I love the smell of the paper and the kind of cracking sound the binding makes when you open a new book. I love curling up in a cozy armchair and reading with a cup of coffee. I love stacking them up on my bookshelf and knowing that their mine. I LOVE books.
COFFEE. coffee. Coffee. Coffee. COFFEEeeeeeEEEE. So delicious. So cozy. So refreshing. So energizing. So amazing
I love sleeping. I could do it all day if I really felt like it. Just laying there in bed, maybe not even sleeping but just thinking. The only thing I don't like about sleeping in is that I feel like so much of my day is wasted. I like to be able to get up early and have the whole day ahead of me. But sometimes sleeping in...you just can't give it up.
so...thats just a little bit about the ever interesting Laura Maddox. YAY!

going crazy!!

Guys, I hate to say this but...I have cabin fever ALREADY!!!! This is not okay. I've only been home for 14 days and 5 of those days I spent in Florida. I just don't know what to do with myself!

PROBLEM 1. I desperately need a job.

I can't find a job to save my life. Yesterday I spent almost 4 hours searching for a job. I went to the mall and I went to over 3 different shopping centers - only 3 places were hiring. I turned in my applications at those 3 places but 2 of them gave me no indication of when I would hear back and I thought I would get a job at Sushi 101 but once I told her the dates for when I was going to be gone this summer she said she would need to hire someone else. My Dad has said I could "work" (do things they can't find time for) for people in my family but I really want a real job. I want to work for someone outside of my family so that when I'm with my family I can relax and keep my job and family separate. I'm at a loss.

Heres the dilemma :

A. I'm extremely picky about where I work, (which, I admit, is limiting my job). I don't want to work with Fast Food and I'm not a big fan of babysitting. I love kids but I'm not gifted with the patience to deal with them all day.

B. I can't just do volunteer work / class/ get an internship. I NEED money. I have to start saving for San Diego, Gas, next year/ etc. Plus all of my friends have money and if they want to do something fun I want to be able to do it too.

(and I'm moving to New York one day, remember? I gotta save money!)

C. No one wants to hire me! I'm gonna be gone 9 days in June, from 7-9 in July and possibly 5 more for a family trip to florida. And why would anyone want to hire a college student who can only work for a few months, including training, when they can hire a high school student who can work for them for the next few years all through the year??

I don't know what to do.

I think I'm gonna have to resort to pet sitting, as lame as that sounds.

PROBLEM 2. Everyone else is busy somehow!

How is it that I'm the only one in Charlotte sitting around like a bump on a log with no plans or a job? I just don't get it.

PROBLEM 3. I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO APP!!!!!!

I love my family and I love being home, really..I do but man do I want to go back to school.

Help me, I think I'm going crazy.

I want this and this and this and this...

Today I was sitting in my bathtub (ah, what a luxury these days) just thinking about life...

and a thought came to mind:

isn't crazy how much of your life you waste on wanting and waiting?

I began to think about how no matter what age you are, there is always something better out there; something you want more. And I realized that nothing ever satisfies my wants.

When you're little there are so many things you want that are out of your grasp.

It's always "wait until your older, then you'll be able to do/have ____"

Then when you finally become older, you're stuck waiting again.

Maybe just a little older next time, then you'll get what you have been waiting for.

Just wait until you're 16, then you can drive anywhere you want. Just wait until you're 18, then your opinion will matter a little more. Just wait until you're 21, then you'll get whatever you want because you'll be an adult.

I feel like I mention this a lot, but there are so many things in my life right now that I want SO badly. I'm the queen of impatience. It may sound greedy, unappreciative, selfish and absurd, but it's true. And one of the most irritating things that people tell me is that maybe if I stop wanting - looking - searching - hoping for something - I'll finally get it.

So for all you advice givers out there, thats what I'm gonna try to do.

It's time that I stop wanting & waiting and start appreciating.

The thing is, wanting is pointless. It achieves nothing. All it does is make you frustrated and ungrateful of what you have.

It doesn't make whatever you want suddenly appear.

It doesn't get you any closer to being older.

It doesn't do anything except bring you down.

So from now on, I'm gonna try at least, to stop wanting and start appreciating. Time is so valuable, why waste it?

" you can't always get what you want

but if you try sometimes

you just might find

you get what you need..."

Summer Crush

As we part, sparks of pure bliss tingle on my skin and send a jolting pulse through my veins.

It fires an electric current rushing through my petal pink lips.

Lightening bugs take shelter in my heart

fluttering their metallic wings and winking their luminescent figures.

Their golden gleam travels narrow tunnels to flare my vision;

and my steel blue eyes begin to radiate through a midnight ink night.

A moon's reflection upon a stirring sea of anticipations.

I Slyly smile and avert my gaze towards the stars.

Wanting, waiting

a flame turned ablaze.

Me and You,

finally.

Me and You.

Axis

A kiss upon the cheek

is spinning on it's axis.

Another day, another night

rehearsed as if to practice.

Yes and no are white or black,

a decision turned a hue.

Are you worth less to me

or am I worth more to you?

A look into your eyes

leaves me anxious even more.

A diamond ring flees the scene

an outlined shape upon our floor.

The love of me and you

was broken by reply.

A scar upon your heart

sealed closed with a goodbye.

Impassive, we embrace

nothing like we practiced.

A kiss upon the cheek

left spinning on it's axis.

CLOUD 9

I just received the most exciting e-mail EVER!

I GET TO GO ON A CAMPUS CRUSADE SUMMER TRIP TO SAN DIEGO!!!!!!!!!

I am sitting on cloud nine right now! Exams have been getting me down in the dumps and the fact that I'm leaving all my amazing friends for almost 4 months makes me so so sad but...

this is THE MOST AMAZING, SURPRISING, EXCITING THING I'VE HEARD ALL WEEK!

This year I have started to grow closer to God then I've been in a long time. He has shown me how to live a life in his image and how to stay strong in my faith through all of life's ups and downs. One of the things I've struggled with is evangelism because I tend to be cautious when it comes to witnessing to people because I don't want them to feel judged, pressured, criticized etc. But I know this trip is going to help me so much when it comes to witnessing. Heres is what my leader sent me in an e-mail:

For the past few months we have been praying for you and the other students participating in the San Diego Adventure. We’re excited that you have pursued what we trust will be a life changing week in San Diego.

This project has been designed with you in mind. Our primary desire is that you grow in your relationship with God and fall more in love with Him. Nothing is more important than your relationship with God. We will strive to create an environment on the project that encourages this.

The mission of the Campus Ministry is "to turn lost students into Christ-centered laborers." In light of this mission, we will help you develop as a Christ-centered laborer and learn to minister to others as an overflow of your walk with the Lord. We will focus on helping you to become more effective at sharing the gospel with non-Christians.

You will have a key part in making the project successful as you come with a teachable attitude and a heart to grow in your faith.

As you can see, this is going to be an amazing trip.

The only thing that's holding me back is the money but luckily I have amazing parents who are willing to let me go! I am so excited! I sincerely believe that there is a reason God gave me a spot on this trip! I can't wait to meet everyone from all of the different colleges, grow closer to God, go to california and completely step out of my comfort zone.

I'm STOKED.

Please pray for me that I can raise the money to go on this trip and that everything will work out!

(...I knew there was a reason I couldn't find a job this summer! haha)

boone, i love you

Wanna know where I am? Yep! You guessed it, BEANSTALK!

Hmmmm. As I sit her drinking yet another Mad Monk, I'm reflecting back on my first year of college. I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT'S OVER. It has flown by at an insane speed. Time flies when you're having fun right? I'm amazed at how different I feel right now then I did at the beginning of the year. I have grown so much in the past year.

• I have witnessed so many different types of people that I never imagined I would encounter.
• I've been around countless illegal substances that I never wanted to be around in the first place.
• My faith has been tested, my morals have been tested, and my image of myself has been tested.
• I have cried, laughed, danced, learned and lived as a freshman.
• I came across mounds of snow that were twice the height of me and have survived the worst blizzard Boone has had in 30 years.

I've driven on the Blue Ridge Parkway this year more than the first 17 years of my life combined.

I've had people ask me what a Bible Study is.

I've learned to appreciate people from all backgrounds and throw judgement out the window.

I've learned to be outgoing when I meet new people.

I've had someone ask "are you not drinking because you love Jesus?"

I've attempted to become outdoorsy.

I've learned that not everything is meant to work out.

I've tried to make snow boots look fashionable. It doesn't work.

I've drank more Coffee this year then I ever have, and that's saying something.

I've slipped on ice...a lot.

I've attempted to join a sorority three times and God kept shutting the door.

I've learned to walk beside God no matter the ridicule.

I've grown up.

This is such a bittersweet moment. (sigh) Well, since my last post was about what I miss about home while I'm at school, I'm going to write about what I'll miss the most about BOONE while at home for the summer.

My neighbor (and future roomie) Kelly! She has become one of my closest friends up here. She is so easy to talk to and I love that she's right next door so we can hang out whenever we want. She is so down to earth and not afraid to speak her mind and I love that about her! Next year is going to be so much fun in our apartment. I LOVE LOVE LOVE KELLY.

Alison freaking Crossley. Who would've thought we would become such good friends? Ali dated my neighbor for a while at home and I always saw her over at his house but we never talked. She was friends with my brother in high school and then when I came up here we started hanging out. She is seriously hilarious. She makes me laugh more than anyone and has been there for me all year. I never imagined we would have gotten this close, but I couldn't have gotten through the year without her.

My roomie Caitlin! We were random roommates but it couldn't have worked out better. I can talk to Caitlin about anything and it's so nice to have someone to vent to about my problems and be there for me when I need someone to talk to. The best thing about it is that we have our own groups of friends but we still have fun together. I'm gonna miss her so much next year! (this is making me sad haha TEAR.)

6th Floor of Cannon Residence Hall. I'm going to miss them so much! My freshman year would've been so different had I not met them. I have had many a meal with my 6th floor friends. We have spent so much time hanging out in the lobby playing cards, just talking, doing homework, watching movies. I've had so many ridiculous memories there. Gah, what a randomly amazing group of people.

My CRU Bible study girls. It took us a while to get to know each other but I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Each and every one of them has helped me in my walk with God and helped mold me as a person. We have had so much fun getting to know each other and there is nothing off limits when we talk. They are seriously my best friends up here and it's so important to me to find a group of friends that have the same morals and beliefs. LOVE THEM. They are irreplaceable and I can tell we're going to be life long friends. (I couldn't find a picture of us together, sad)

BEANSTALK. Need I say more?

The fact that when I buy food at school I feel like I'm not spending any money, even though in reality I'm spending a huge chunk of my Dad's money... but its fun. ITS LIKE AN ETERNAL FOOD GIFT CARD!

The Solarium and crossroads. I have become so attached to those two places. I seriously think I spent more time in both of those places then I did in my room. They're so peaceful. LOVE.

My classes, I know that sounds lame, but I've realized that I really like structure. I like to know what I'm doing for the whole day and have a sought out plan. What time I'm gonna wake up, what time I'm gonna eat lunch, what time I'm gonna go to class. I just love it. Ah organization, it's a necessity in my life.

Boone restaurants - Capone's pizza, Black Cat, Our Daily Bread, Boone Bagelry, Mountain House, Los... all of them are so good and they're going to taste even better after a whole summer of not being able to eat them!

The beauty of Boone. Every morning I am blessed with the fact that my campus sits in the middle of mountains. I can look out my window and see them in the morning and walk around campus and see the scenery during the day. We have so many flowers and trees here and the campus is just gorgeous. The other morning I just happened to wake up and be able to catch the sun rising outside my window. The view was phenomenal. I love how I can drive to the Blue Ridge Parkway whenever I want and enjoy God's creation. I really have developed an appreciation for the outdoors.

These are just a few of the things that I am going to miss about BOONE. I never in a million years pictured myself at APP. I am a city girl through and through but, surprisingly, I feel right at home.

Home is where the heart is and when I go home I'll be leaving part of it up here in Boone.