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Christian Girls = Drama Queens

Weird right? Well, unfortunately it's true (at least it's proven true in my life.)

Growing up in church and being raised by a Christian family, I was lucky enough to have a lot of friends with my same beliefs. All of my Christian friends have been so sweet, loving, kind, and I've had a lot of fun with them. But, we certainly had some drama.

It seems like a group of girls that were all striving to live a godly life would be in relationships that were at least 90% devoid of drama, but that has not been the case. I'm not calling anyone out, I've obviously been a part of it too, but what I've come to realize, especially in college, is that it seems as if Christian girls create the most drama. Does anyone else feel the same?

2 Things I've learned:

1. We're too godly to sleep around, get drunk, or do drugs...so why not gossip?

Wrong. Stop it. Don't do it! Gossip is not your anti-drug. And news flash, gossip does nothing but make you look bad! That also includes talking about someone without saying their name. We're all smart enough to figure it out. Stop trash talking the girl you're not a huge fan of because whoever is listening is only thinking about the fact that you're probably doing the same to them when they're not around.

I gossip too, obviously, it's so easy to find yourself doing it, but it really only starts more drama. When you start talking about someone, try to pause and think, "would I want them to be doing this to me?" The answer is probably not. All sins are equal, and that includes gossip.

Also, it is extremely immature and unnecessary to tweet and post to Facebook about one another in a passive aggressive way. WWJD? It's an insignificant phrase but it's extremely helpful in everyday decisions. 

2. We think we're helping one another, that's what Jesus does, right?

Yeah, you're not doing that either. 

"It's so annoying how (friends name) does ____. I really think she needs to deal with ____ in her life. I feel like all she does is ____, it's ridiculous. I mean how does she live with herself when all she does is  ____ all the time."

That right there is called judgement. Whether it's drinking, sleeping around, being negative, lying, whatever, you're still talking about it with a giant plank in your own eye and it's totally blocking your vision. 

Any sin that's taking over your friends life, that you've obviously noticed and feel the need to talk about, should be addressed in love and pursued in a Godly way because you want to help them. If you do feel like God is calling you to point it out, you're doing it to bring them closer to god, not judge them. Pray about how to approach it, pray about talking to others about it, God will show you how to approach it in a way that's pleasing to him.

"Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye" (Matthew 7.1-5)

These are just a few things I've noticed. I'm imperfect, I gossip, and I sin all the time, but I would love to pursue relationships with other Christian girls that aren't full of DRAMA.

Enough! Be nice to one another, stop expecting the worst from one another. If someone says something that you think is hurtful, take a second to think about how well you know that person and if they really meant it in a hurtful way. They probably didn't. Stop texting, start talking. But learn when to speak and when to be still.

Life's too short and too precious to spend it wrapped up in pointless drama. Accept when you're wrong, learn from your mistakes, forgive, and focus on what matters most - living a life to honor God.

Just write.

(don't ask me what this is about cause I have no idea)

"J, just get in the car"

I buckled.

I used to think that life was interconnected. That humans were living dominoes. That we were all just part of a web, delicately spun, intricately woven.

Life had happened a moment too soon. I had stains on my hands that weren't washing off. And they had spread too. It had gotten in my hair, on the inside of my fleshy eyelids, behind me knee caps, in the creases of my elbows. It was a mistake, and the effects of it were splashed on every ounce of me.

Cracked windows let in crisp waves of fall and his hair flipped and curled around his ears as the lights changed...

Red, green, yellow.

I sat in the passenger seat of the car and let his gaze dangerously pierce my skin with the gentle pressured of an unwound paperclip, knowing his eyes were completely off the road.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd let that happen. It was October and we were soaring. We'd been driving since dawn, downing bottles of Jim Beam, reckless, swerving on untraveled roads. We found a dirt path that snaked into the middle of pines, bounced, spun up gravel, and parked the car for the night.

I'm here.

I feel the engine cool and notice the sky is an ink spill of plum and Egyptian blue. I pull off my socks, crank the chair into the lowest possible position and stick my feet out the window. My pale skin is translucent in the moonlight and I paint the sky with the chipped magenta of my toenail polish.

Sid had climbed backward with the clicking of the ignition and had immediately passed out drunk in the back seat. I reach around the chair and pull a cigarette from the pocket of his jeans. I watch the lighter flicker and burn as the familiar scent swirls into autumn.

My heart contracts, and relaxes. I think of BIO 101. I picture the atria and ventricles working together to send blood through my veins. Electric, pulsing, pumping. I am an outlet and my wishful thinking is that someday soon the wires will snap and I'll fizzle out.

But I am an outlet.
I am an outlet and he's got me plugged in.

In Boston!

This summer I will be blogging from a new location!

Check out L & L take Boston for updates about my my experience interning and living with my amazing twin in Beantown this summer!

Until I'm back home,
Xo

That's Life

You know what? It's time to try to enjoy your life. Make chocolate chip muffins in the morning, stop stressing out about grades that really don't matter, and take a moment to feel the sunshine on your skin. 

Remember, life isn't about holding grudges. It's about forgiveness, letting go, and feeling the release in your shoulders when you realize the happiness you were missing out on. It's about going out on a Friday night and dancing in your cowboy boots.

Life's about blasting your music in the car. It's about exercising because you're body is the only one you've got. And hanging your feet off the edge of a mountain or snuggling in your pajamas. It's about hugging your parents, being cheesy (like this post), being goofy, being real. It's about value.

Life's not about creating a persona. Stop saying it and start living it. What good is a bible verse posted on your status or a quote about how to live without the actions to back it up? Be you and acknowledge your imperfections, and follow up with commitments.

Life's about drinking copious amounts of coffee and never letting go of a friendship because at some point, at one time, on one day, or one weekend, spending time together caused you to laugh and smile and experience real joy.

Life is about living in the moment. Not the future, or the past, but right now. It's about remembering to take snapshots in your mind of the tears, the leaves falling off the trees, the rain on your windshield. Life is about the puzzle pieces that all come together to create the big picture - a crazy, beautiful, vibrant one.

Life is about balance. Balance between school, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your real friends. Life is about realizing who is really there for you and sending up thanks for the ones that will always be there and will always come back.

Life is about treating others as you would want to be treated. Baking cupcakes on birthdays, buying coffee on bad days, and sharing encouragement on the good. 

It's about honor. Honoring YOURSELF, Honoring OTHERS, and honoring GOD.

That's what life is.

Pinspiration

Like my new blog background and color scheme? I thought I'd freshen it up a little bit for spring and summer.

Anyway, I'm procrastinating, as usual, but I thought I'd post a few pictures of style I've been pinning lately. Enjoy!

xo

be love.

"But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ"

1 Corinthians 15:57

I want to BE LOVE.

Wondering what I mean? Well, here are my thoughts.

I believe that every person is born with sins that they're always going to struggle with. This can be through alcoholism, homosexuality, stubbornness, negativity, loneliness, an eating disorder and a multitude of other sins.

To say that God has challenged me in the friend department at ASU would be an understatement. Friendships that I thought would last forever have vanished. Friends that I valued have hurt me to the core. Friends that I took upon myself to pour into have ended up dragging me down. Sin has attacked many of my friendships and has attacked my view of myself. Facing the closed door of these friendships has resulted in a deep self reflection.

I've been accused of being mean, being bossy, having a judgmental attitude, of always looking like I'm in a bad mood, of being negative all the time. I want to apologize to anyone I've hurt, anyone I've wronged and anyone that has felt this way toward me. These words left me feeling so confused. The things that they were saying to me were words that I would never use to describe myself. Was I really negative all the time? Was I bossy?

It honestly made me sad. I want people to look at me and see a happy person who is trying to live like Christ. I want people to look at me and wonder, what makes that girl act the way she does? I felt bad that I wasn't portraying that, but I knew that I was happy within, so I didn't (and still don't) know how to change it.

There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about what these people have said to me. I like to think of myself as accommodating. I always try to put others before myself when it comes to decision making. I would never define myself as negative. In an effort to not let myself get let down, I think of life realistically rather than being overly optimistic. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than let down. 

I want to BE LOVE. 

As Christians I understand holding each other accountable. If there is a sin that needs to be addressed in a friend's life, I'm instructed by God to let them know about it. But attacking someone for it and then leaving them left in a mess is not, what I believe, God intended. If I believe a friend is struggling with something, I want to address it in a way that says "I'm here to help. We're all sinners and I love you no matter your flaws."

Cutting people out of your lives is the right thing to do in certain situations, but using it as an escape can end up causing more damage than good. Does the bible not say to forgive others as God forgave us?

I once heard a quote that said "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned. "

This is infinitely true. I have been hurt by friends countless times, and I've hurt them. I am FAR from perfect. I'm sure I have been some of the things that my friends have accused me of being, but I'm also a sinner. What they've said to me is in the past, GOD HAS MADE US CLEAN. Forgiveness can eat away at you, I know from experience. But as this quote says, it really hurts you more than the person you're not forgiving. I've stopped holding on, and the burns are healing.

I know that I've hurt others and I know that a lot of the things I've done have ended up hurting me in the end. I'm not happy go lucky. I'm not going to grin from ear to ear all the time. But I want everyone to know that I am overflowing with the joy of the Lord! I can't change my personality, but I can wake up each morning with the intentions of honoring God in EVERY aspect of my life. I want every spec of my being to radiate his LOVE. I want to BE LOVE.

My devotion this morning spoke volumes to me. I want it to be a guide for my lifestyle. It read: 1 John 3:18-24

"Dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

 And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us."

I am thankful for the lessons on friendship that God is continually teaching me. I'm not perfect. I'm just a rental space for the holy spirit of the Lord. But as I live, learn, am hurt, am broken, am healed, I want to BE LOVE, the love of the Lord.  

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Happy Birthday to the BEST mom in the entire world!! I am so blessed to have such a loving, kind, funny, smart, beautiful Mom who is always there to pick me up, support me, cheer me on, and to just have fun with! Whether it's concerts, trips to NYC, cracking up over youtube videos, or just hanging out at home, we always have the best time together and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I hope to be half the amazing person, wife, mother, and grandmother that you are! Love you, Mom!! :)

Fly Away

Wheels on a skateboard,

he road the asphalt like a steady wave.

The San Francisco sky had approached nightfall

and eggplant colored clouds hung like puppets in the sky.

Wisps of wind as their strings

dancing along the brim of his hat.

In a house, time ticked

like the the click of her tongue.

She sat arms folded impatiently as

the smell of carrots hung in the air,

their shavings wound in the sink

like orange caterpillars, 

 sleeping silently in an oversized metal cocoon.

He passed the colored buildings

painted doorways and crooked roofs

that rose and fell like the gentle breath of a high school memory,

a love that was as short as a shoe lace

but one that fiercely wound itself around his heart

and cut into him like barbwire.

At night they'd escape in each other's touch

 but neither knew their minds both wandered to distant thoughts

of forgotten lovers, and fading dreams

of uncharted territory and

the spreading of fragile wings

against the risky winds of the unfamiliar. 

"I'll be home by 7:30," he'd said

but the loop of infinity had made its way 

onto her clock over an hour ago

and had broken easily,

evoking in her a need for escape 

and dropping out the bottom to form a 9.

 And she watched as single digits

took turns as 9's sidekick.

4, 5, and then 6

6o seconds,

then change.

He rode

and she waited,

60 seconds,

then change.

And the carrots got soggy,

and the clouds fell behind a curtain of black

and when he opened their door 

with the tick of the clock

all he found was a note of goodbye

and a whole room of butterflies. 

Updates!

(beware, lots of pictures to follow...)

First of all, I want to apologize for my lack of blogging in like...a month. Oops! I have just been so busy lately! And my free time is spent sleeping, eating, or socializing with my lovely friends!

Anyway, let me update you on my life!

Here are some pictures of what I've been up to...

Church outfit 

Cabo fish tacos

Stickboy magic cookie: Chocolate chip, coconut, pecan, marshmallow

Holocaust museum

 Alchemy coffee shop in Boone

Pedicures with Ashley

Beautiful campus

Lunch with both of my Grandmothers

Georgetown cupcakes

 My sweet cousin Brooklyn at Papa's retirement celebration

So first, good news - Spring Break was the second week of March and my friends Lena, Bailey, Emily and I went to Washington DC together! We had such a good time!

We stayed at Lena's cousin's house in Maryland (right outside DC) which was so nice and convenient! It was so nice to have a cozy place and sweet family to come home to after lots of walking! (We also got free food, added bonus!!)

This was their adorable little boy Zaine, how CUTE is he? Precious.

Anyway, we did lots of shopping, eating, Starbucks drinking, and exploring the city! The cherry blossoms bloomed early this year and they were so beautiful while we were there! We visited the Holocaust Museum, The Museum of American History and we visited the Georgetown campus one night which was beautiful! We watched The Bachelor Finale one night, went to get Italian and hit up a piano bar, we had a not too great experience at a diner and stayed in one night, ate pizza and watched My Week with Marilyn (which was awesome!) We had a great time and I love these girls!

Here are some pictures of the fun we had

Not so good news - I figured out that Her Campus Appalachian State officially can't become a club. Due to the fact that becoming a club would cause more readership and more readers would generate more revenue for the Her Campus headquarters, ASU decided that it shouldn't be allowed. I understand but it is still a bummer! I'm just going to use it as fuel for my determination to continue to make HC AppState the best it can be!

AWESOME news - Do you remember the internship I had been talking about? How I was nervous about what would happen this summer and what I would be doing?

Well, I GOT IT!!!! 

This summer I will be interning in Boston, Massachusetts at Digitas! I am BEYOND excited! Seriously, excited is an understatement. I'm going to be a creative intern and I'll be making $400 a week! How cool is that? Also, their office looks really neat and modern! I'm going to be interning with probably about 8-10 other people and I'm hoping to make some great new friends!

But do you wanna hear the best part??

Not only will I be in Boston, an AMAZING city...

Not only will I be making money...

Not only will I be shopping, drinking coffee, making new friends and going to Red Sox games...

I'll also be LIVING WITH MY BEST FRIEND!

Yep, my best friend and twin, Lindy, got an internship in Boston this summer too! She's going to be working with a Fashion PR company called Succarra and interning for them!

This is their veryyyyy pretty showroom in Boston...

Isn't that AWESOME!!! We are so excited to take on a big city together and spend our last college summer just enjoying life and livin' it up! I love her and I am so glad we'll be doing this together!

Watch out Boston, we're coming!!

Until I have more free time on my hands, xoxo!