Expectation

I’m not going to lie, when I’m asked what my biggest weakness is, I have no idea what to say. I’ve been in multiple job interviews where I’ve been asked that question and I’ve had to scramble around for my response.

“Hmmm, what is my biggest weakness? Uh… my biggest weakness is that I can’t think of my biggest weakness?”  

As cocky as it sounds, I can easily point out my strong suits. Or at least, what I believe them to be.

I’m a good listener. I’m passionate about what I do. I’m hard working and determined. I’m bold. I’m my own worst critic (that could be a bad thing.)  I’m devoted. In the words of Dumbledore, I believe myself to be a “fierce friend.”

But recently, I’ve discovered my biggest weakness. I think my biggest weakness is that I expect too much out of people.

It’s not too far-fetched of me to expect from others what I give, but I do and it lets me down.

I find myself to be a really giving person. I spend money on my friends, I spend time texting them and asking them about their day. I’m constantly planning something with them, or at least trying to.

I want them to know that I care. I want my friends to get a text from me and think “I really like the fact that Laura always wishes me good luck on a test or wishes that I have a good day.”

But what’s happening is that I’m being let down on the flipside. It’s honestly not fair to hold people to the standard that I have for myself.

Just because I prioritize letting people know that I care doesn’t mean that that’s one of their priorities. They may be caring just as much for me as I for them, they just don’t feel the need to show it like I do. I expect them to think the same way I do, which obviously will never happen.

I don’t want anyone to think that I’m calling them out, I’m not. I’m trying to apologize for the fact that I’ve been hurt and upset by giving and not getting what I wanted in return. It’s not fair to my friends for me to get upset at them when I’m comparing them to what I’d do in that situation.

My biggest weakness is expectations. I expect a lot. I expect too much from myself and from others. I let myself down because I hold myself to unusually high standards and I let myself down because I hold my friends there too.

Starting now, and especially when 2012 rolls around, I want to stop expecting. I want to appreciate what I’m getting and find joy in what I’m giving.