outdoorsy-ness.

This past weekend I got to go on the CRU retreat!
It was fun but pretty different then what I expected.

When I chose APP I knew that I would kind of stand out due to my lack of "outdoorsy-ness" but I didn't realize how prevelant that would be in Christian organizations.

I feel like Christians feel the need to be really outdoorsy and in touch with God's creation up here, which is great, but I'm not outdoorsy. My idea of outdoorsy-ness is packing a picnic and going to a park or an outside concert, or a hike to an overlook.

It doesn't really include repelling down a cliff, biking the blueridge parkway or white water rafting..

Every once in a while I'll get in an outdoorsy mood, especially in the fall but it comes and goes.

I'm pretty "girly". I like boots, magazines, chocolate and Gilmore girls.

When I was packing for the CRU retreat I was feeling discouraged because I was guessing that I would be one of the few people there without a hammock or Chacos.

I ended up borrowing my roomie's shoes and hammock which ended up working out because seriously about 96 percent of the people there had both of those things!
CRAZY!

This is a picture from the trip...

I would like to have my own hammock though, they are really comfy and fun to read in :)

But I feel like a prerequisite for CRU is to be outdoorsy.
Personally I prefer movie nights, going out to eat, coffee dates, baking, reading or shopping..(and that made me sound like a fatty haha)

And I guess I've never really realized how introverted I am either!
On Saturday we had free time and I decided to drive to Johnson City to get starbucks, study and read and I have to say, it was one of the highlights of the trip.

I guess you can't fit in everywhere but hopefully I'll find my niche of people soon!

So if any of you CRU girls are reading this and feel the same let me know because I'll gladly paint my nails with you, take a day trip to blowing rock, visit the outlets or even drive to Hickory for starbucks and target!

Oh life, what a ride.

random thought.

random confession:

I have a serious iTunes addiction.

so when I logged into iTunes I impulsively bought the new Maroon 5 cd and it is AMAZING.

If you haven't bought it yet, buy it.

You'll love it, I'm sure.

P.S.


Adam Levine is super hott.

what to write, what to write.

I couldn't think of what to write about so I found a website that gives you phrases to spark an idea

The phrase I chose was "some might say it's weakness" and this is what I randomly came up with...

Some might say it's weakness, but I'd say it's strength.


It's been 4 years since we ran ...
to the day. 


But it still stings with newness. 


I  guess I hadn't expected time to pass so easily, but...what else does it do? 


Time is inevitable they tell me. I mean, yeah... I know. But that doesn't mean I can't try to escape it. Try until my knuckles are white and my airway tightens on the endless roads.








I'll keep trying.









The morning we left appeared normal to others, but for me, it was the start of a new life. I'd had my bags packed weeks in advance, waiting for the phone call that would send my life spiraling into chaos.

And it happened at 3:13 am.

Your gentle flicker of the headlights jump-started my heart into a record breaking acceleration. I crept out the window, my silver bracelet caught the light of the street lamps and flickered in the moonlight as my converses smashed into wet soil.

I was expecting my heart to slightly tear as you steered me away from my house, feet propped on the dashboard as the crisp night air caught my hair, but it sat unharmed.

As we drove on the music thumped dully in the background, rhythmically in tune with your breath. We passed the houses that had been built with my childhood. The cul-de-sac where Donut got hit by a car when I was 8, the tree we carved our names in, the backdoors and wooden fences that provided us with the perfect setting for hide and seek. I felt cold. And not because of the tempereature, but because of what I'd just done.

My pulse quickened.


I grabbed your hand, callused yet comfortable, and braced for impact.

dream, dream, dream.

Someday, I'd like to make my dreams a reality.

I want to write.

I want scribble on paper until my fingers go numb and I have a huge writing bump that looks gross to others, but to me it's a sign of my dedication.
I want to type until the letters wear off of my keyboard but I know what to do because typing has become second nature.
I want to write out my anger, my happiness, my life.
I want to write to inspire others and to complete myself.
I want people to anticipate my next piece of writing.
But mostly I want to just write for myself.


Today I applied for a position on The Peel, which is APP's literary magazine.
I've always loved to write but after being on the Roars and Whispers staff at Providence, I knew I wanted to be on the staff here at APP.

I went to their website over the summer and I went on it today to make sure they hadn't hired yet. After updating my resume and writing a cover letter I sent in my application and was excited for a response.

Well unfortunately, they've already hired! It's just a minor set back, but with all the technologically savvy people on the staff couldn't they have just updated their site?

Hopefully I'll apply again next year and get on it but for now I might just end up being on a committee.

I just want to write! Write, right, write! I want to be a big wig at a top magazine like Glamour. I want to go grab the future!

I'm dreaming!

a poem I enjoy.

here is a poem that I loved....
enjoy.

Summer Stars

by Carl Sandburg 

Bend low again, night of summer stars.

So near you are, sky of summer stars, 

So near, a long-arm man can pick off stars, 

Pick off what he wants in the sky bowl, 

So near you are, summer stars, 

So near, strumming, strumming, 

                  So lazy and hum-strumming.

reasons to smile!

I have to admit...

My last post, I was in a definite funk.

Sometimes it feels like the world is going against you. Everything sucks and you just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. That's how I felt last week.

Well last night I was "defunked". I took a bath that lasted for like an hour and turned into a giant prune. Then I went and got Japanese food with Caroline. She is seriously like my best friend up here, she's always here for me and knows how to cheer me up. On the way home from dinner my iPod chose sleigh ride so we rolled down the windows and had it going so loud! We we're trying to see if anyone would look over at us and I was seriously crying because I was laughing so hard.

Jap food, a great friend, Christmas music and laughing until you cry is the perfect combo. I give her full credit for "defunking" me!

So today, instead of being depressing, I'm gonna share some reasons to smile!

Kelly is awesome and put a roast, potatoes and carrots in the crock pot for dinner. YUM!

I skipped class today because my foot is messed up! I'm not smiling because my foots messed up, I'm smiling because I missed class haha so I'm currently keeping it elevated.


I bought Starbucks caramel coffee and vanilla caramel creamer and have been drinking it every morning out of my Starbucks mug. So decadent and delicious.



Gossip girl starts tonight!!!!!


I bought some chocolate pudding and it was delicious...and fat free!


My Mom and Dad finally heard from Mark! He is safe and sound and loving Spain!

I've been listening to the new Sara Bareilles CD over and over and over and it is seriously AMAZING!


I'm making red beans and rice tomorrow night for dinner, I love be able to cook this year!


MOUNTAINEERS WON ON SATURDAY!



Fall is in the air, I can feel it! The temperatures are dropping, the leaves are changing and its glorious!




So, that's why I'm smiling!

HAVE AN AWESOME MONDAY!

boredom.

Do you ever just get tired?
Tired of life, friends, attitude...

Monotony. I feel like thats a running theme in my life.

Sometimes I wonder when something new will happen. A new friend, new dream, aspiration, boyfriend, life change...anything. Will it ever happen?

I feel like I'm stuck at a crosswalk in the middle of my life. The little white man appeared across the street so I began walking...

but suddenly, the crosswalk is a treadmill, and I can't move.
I'm stuck in the middle of traffic with no way forward and no way back.
And any second now, the light is going to turn green and I'm gonna be run over.

It's frustrating. I feel like newness is surrounding me - New freshmen on campus, new bible study, new journeys; mark going to Spain, new life stages; Ashley is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them!

But me, I'm always the same. Its like I'm frozen in time while the world keeps spinning.

I've had the same haircut since 10th grade. I know thats a materialistic thing that doesn't really matter and I know I'll always want to change those things; I new cut, or color.

But not only do I want to be happy with my outward appearance but also how I feel on the inside.

What I really want to change is my attitude. I want to wake up and be motivated and excited.

Unfortunately, I was born with a glass half empty mentality

And I know it sounds pathetic, but I really do have to make myself look at the positive side of things.

I'm just so tired of the same old same old, I need to be rejuvenated.

This past week has been really draining on me. I know that sounds selfish with everything going on around me, but it really has just made me feel exhausted. Hopefully it's just an off week.

On the verge of a mental breakdown is the right way to put it.
But don't freak out, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just BORED.

Just plain bored.

If I can ask God one thing for my sophomore year, it's to just give me something new.

Give me something that makes me happy to wake up and start a new day, a passion for life and a purpose.

Maybe I just need to seek God out more, after all, he has all the answers.