Do you ever just get tired?
Tired of life, friends, attitude...
Monotony. I feel like thats a running theme in my life.
Sometimes I wonder when something new will happen. A new friend, new dream, aspiration, boyfriend, life change...anything. Will it ever happen?
I feel like I'm stuck at a crosswalk in the middle of my life. The little white man appeared across the street so I began walking...
but suddenly, the crosswalk is a treadmill, and I can't move.
I'm stuck in the middle of traffic with no way forward and no way back.
And any second now, the light is going to turn green and I'm gonna be run over.
It's frustrating. I feel like newness is surrounding me - New freshmen on campus, new bible study, new journeys; mark going to Spain, new life stages; Ashley is pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them!
But me, I'm always the same. Its like I'm frozen in time while the world keeps spinning.
I've had the same haircut since 10th grade. I know thats a materialistic thing that doesn't really matter and I know I'll always want to change those things; I new cut, or color.
But not only do I want to be happy with my outward appearance but also how I feel on the inside.
What I really want to change is my attitude. I want to wake up and be motivated and excited.
Unfortunately, I was born with a glass half empty mentality
And I know it sounds pathetic, but I really do have to make myself look at the positive side of things.
I'm just so tired of the same old same old, I need to be rejuvenated.
This past week has been really draining on me. I know that sounds selfish with everything going on around me, but it really has just made me feel exhausted. Hopefully it's just an off week.
On the verge of a mental breakdown is the right way to put it.
But don't freak out, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just BORED.
Just plain bored.
If I can ask God one thing for my sophomore year, it's to just give me something new.
Give me something that makes me happy to wake up and start a new day, a passion for life and a purpose.
Maybe I just need to seek God out more, after all, he has all the answers.