September 12, 2010


Do you ever just get tired?
Tired of life, friends, attitude...

Monotony. I feel like thats a running theme in my life.

Sometimes I wonder when something new will happen. A new friend, new dream, aspiration, boyfriend, life change...anything. Will it ever happen?

I feel like I'm stuck at a crosswalk in the middle of my life. The little white man appeared across the street so I began walking...

but suddenly, the crosswalk is a treadmill, and I can't move.
I'm stuck in the middle of traffic with no way forward and no way back.
And any second now, the light is going to turn green and I'm gonna be run over.

It's frustrating. I feel like newness is surrounding me - New freshmen on campus, new bible study, new journeys; mark going to Spain, new life stages; Ashley is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them!

But me, I'm always the same. Its like I'm frozen in time while the world keeps spinning.

I've had the same haircut since 10th grade. I know thats a materialistic thing that doesn't really matter and I know I'll always want to change those things; I new cut, or color.

But not only do I want to be happy with my outward appearance but also how I feel on the inside.

What I really want to change is my attitude. I want to wake up and be motivated and excited.

Unfortunately, I was born with a glass half empty mentality

And I know it sounds pathetic, but I really do have to make myself look at the positive side of things.

I'm just so tired of the same old same old, I need to be rejuvenated.

This past week has been really draining on me. I know that sounds selfish with everything going on around me, but it really has just made me feel exhausted. Hopefully it's just an off week.

On the verge of a mental breakdown is the right way to put it.
But don't freak out, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just BORED.

Just plain bored.

If I can ask God one thing for my sophomore year, it's to just give me something new.

Give me something that makes me happy to wake up and start a new day, a passion for life and a purpose.

Maybe I just need to seek God out more, after all, he has all the answers.


Brent said...

I know you don't want to hear this - but it's the truth and I love you - so I'm telling you. Life doesn't just happen to you - you make life happen. What are you doing to change your situation? Are you doing and trying new things? Are you putting yourself out there and taking risks? The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting that, at some point, something will change. You gotta get out there and grab what you want from life - it won't just come to you.

lkm said...

Ah, I know! I have been doing that though! I've tried to get involved with so many things. I think one of the main problems with my generation is that no one knows how to communicate. I keep trying to do new things and make new friends and no one ever reciprocates it. I know it will happen eventually! I feel like I'm putting myself out there but maybe other people don't feel like I am? I'm going to keep trying to make it happen though, thats all I can do!

Thanks for always being there to listen to me complain, love you!