September 27, 2010


This past weekend I got to go on the CRU retreat!
It was fun but pretty different then what I expected.

When I chose APP I knew that I would kind of stand out due to my lack of "outdoorsy-ness" but I didn't realize how prevelant that would be in Christian organizations.

I feel like Christians feel the need to be really outdoorsy and in touch with God's creation up here, which is great, but I'm not outdoorsy. My idea of outdoorsy-ness is packing a picnic and going to a park or an outside concert, or a hike to an overlook.

It doesn't really include repelling down a cliff, biking the blueridge parkway or white water rafting..

Every once in a while I'll get in an outdoorsy mood, especially in the fall but it comes and goes.

I'm pretty "girly". I like boots, magazines, chocolate and Gilmore girls.

When I was packing for the CRU retreat I was feeling discouraged because I was guessing that I would be one of the few people there without a hammock or Chacos.

I ended up borrowing my roomie's shoes and hammock which ended up working out because seriously about 96 percent of the people there had both of those things!

This is a picture from the trip...

I would like to have my own hammock though, they are really comfy and fun to read in :)

But I feel like a prerequisite for CRU is to be outdoorsy.
Personally I prefer movie nights, going out to eat, coffee dates, baking, reading or shopping..(and that made me sound like a fatty haha)

And I guess I've never really realized how introverted I am either!
On Saturday we had free time and I decided to drive to Johnson City to get starbucks, study and read and I have to say, it was one of the highlights of the trip.

I guess you can't fit in everywhere but hopefully I'll find my niche of people soon!

So if any of you CRU girls are reading this and feel the same let me know because I'll gladly paint my nails with you, take a day trip to blowing rock, visit the outlets or even drive to Hickory for starbucks and target!

Oh life, what a ride.

September 22, 2010

random thought.

random confession:

I have a serious iTunes addiction.

so when I logged into iTunes I impulsively bought the new Maroon 5 cd and it is AMAZING.

If you haven't bought it yet, buy it.

You'll love it, I'm sure.


Adam Levine is super hott.

September 20, 2010

what to write, what to write.

I couldn't think of what to write about so I found a website that gives you phrases to spark an idea

The phrase I chose was "some might say it's weakness" and this is what I randomly came up with...

Some might say it's weakness, but I'd say it's strength.

It's been 4 years since we ran ...
to the day. 

But it still stings with newness. 

I  guess I hadn't expected time to pass so easily, but...what else does it do? 

Time is inevitable they tell me. I mean, yeah... I know. But that doesn't mean I can't try to escape it. Try until my knuckles are white and my airway tightens on the endless roads.

I'll keep trying.

The morning we left appeared normal to others, but for me, it was the start of a new life. I'd had my bags packed weeks in advance, waiting for the phone call that would send my life spiraling into chaos.

And it happened at 3:13 am.

Your gentle flicker of the headlights jump-started my heart into a record breaking acceleration. I crept out the window, my silver bracelet caught the light of the street lamps and flickered in the moonlight as my converses smashed into wet soil.

I was expecting my heart to slightly tear as you steered me away from my house, feet propped on the dashboard as the crisp night air caught my hair, but it sat unharmed.

As we drove on the music thumped dully in the background, rhythmically in tune with your breath. We passed the houses that had been built with my childhood. The cul-de-sac where Donut got hit by a car when I was 8, the tree we carved our names in, the backdoors and wooden fences that provided us with the perfect setting for hide and seek. I felt cold. And not because of the tempereature, but because of what I'd just done.

My pulse quickened.

I grabbed your hand, callused yet comfortable, and braced for impact.

September 16, 2010

dream, dream, dream.

Someday, I'd like to make my dreams a reality.

I want to write.

I want scribble on paper until my fingers go numb and I have a huge writing bump that looks gross to others, but to me it's a sign of my dedication.
I want to type until the letters wear off of my keyboard but I know what to do because typing has become second nature.
I want to write out my anger, my happiness, my life.
I want to write to inspire others and to complete myself.
I want people to anticipate my next piece of writing.
But mostly I want to just write for myself.

Today I applied for a position on The Peel, which is APP's literary magazine.
I've always loved to write but after being on the Roars and Whispers staff at Providence, I knew I wanted to be on the staff here at APP.

I went to their website over the summer and I went on it today to make sure they hadn't hired yet. After updating my resume and writing a cover letter I sent in my application and was excited for a response.

Well unfortunately, they've already hired! It's just a minor set back, but with all the technologically savvy people on the staff couldn't they have just updated their site?

Hopefully I'll apply again next year and get on it but for now I might just end up being on a committee.

I just want to write! Write, right, write! I want to be a big wig at a top magazine like Glamour. I want to go grab the future!

I'm dreaming!

September 14, 2010

a poem I enjoy.

here is a poem that I loved....

Summer Stars

Carl Sandburg 

Bend low again, night of summer stars.

So near you are, sky of summer stars, 

So near, a long-arm man can pick off stars, 

Pick off what he wants in the sky bowl, 

So near you are, summer stars, 

So near, strumming, strumming, 

                  So lazy and hum-strumming.

September 13, 2010

reasons to smile!

I have to admit...

My last post, I was in a definite funk.
Sometimes it feels like the world is going against you. Everything sucks and you just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. That's how I felt last week.

Well last night I was "defunked". I took a bath that lasted for like an hour and turned into a giant prune. Then I went and got Japanese food with Caroline. She is seriously like my best friend up here, she's always here for me and knows how to cheer me up. On the way home from dinner my iPod chose sleigh ride so we rolled down the windows and had it going so loud! We we're trying to see if anyone would look over at us and I was seriously crying because I was laughing so hard.

Jap food, a great friend, Christmas music and laughing until you cry is the perfect combo. I give her full credit for "defunking" me!

So today, instead of being depressing, I'm gonna share some reasons to smile!

Kelly is awesome and put a roast, potatoes and carrots in the crock pot for dinner. YUM!

I skipped class today because my foot is messed up! I'm not smiling because my foots messed up, I'm smiling because I missed class haha so I'm currently keeping it elevated.

I bought Starbucks caramel coffee and vanilla caramel creamer and have been drinking it every morning out of my Starbucks mug. So decadent and delicious.

Gossip girl starts tonight!!!!!

I bought some chocolate pudding and it was delicious...and fat free!

My Mom and Dad finally heard from Mark! He is safe and sound and loving Spain!

I've been listening to the new Sara Bareilles CD over and over and over and it is seriously AMAZING!

I'm making red beans and rice tomorrow night for dinner, I love be able to cook this year!


Fall is in the air, I can feel it! The temperatures are dropping, the leaves are changing and its glorious!

So, that's why I'm smiling!


September 12, 2010


Do you ever just get tired?
Tired of life, friends, attitude...

Monotony. I feel like thats a running theme in my life.

Sometimes I wonder when something new will happen. A new friend, new dream, aspiration, boyfriend, life change...anything. Will it ever happen?

I feel like I'm stuck at a crosswalk in the middle of my life. The little white man appeared across the street so I began walking...

but suddenly, the crosswalk is a treadmill, and I can't move.
I'm stuck in the middle of traffic with no way forward and no way back.
And any second now, the light is going to turn green and I'm gonna be run over.

It's frustrating. I feel like newness is surrounding me - New freshmen on campus, new bible study, new journeys; mark going to Spain, new life stages; Ashley is pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for them!

But me, I'm always the same. Its like I'm frozen in time while the world keeps spinning.

I've had the same haircut since 10th grade. I know thats a materialistic thing that doesn't really matter and I know I'll always want to change those things; I new cut, or color.

But not only do I want to be happy with my outward appearance but also how I feel on the inside.

What I really want to change is my attitude. I want to wake up and be motivated and excited.

Unfortunately, I was born with a glass half empty mentality

And I know it sounds pathetic, but I really do have to make myself look at the positive side of things.

I'm just so tired of the same old same old, I need to be rejuvenated.

This past week has been really draining on me. I know that sounds selfish with everything going on around me, but it really has just made me feel exhausted. Hopefully it's just an off week.

On the verge of a mental breakdown is the right way to put it.
But don't freak out, I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just BORED.

Just plain bored.

If I can ask God one thing for my sophomore year, it's to just give me something new.

Give me something that makes me happy to wake up and start a new day, a passion for life and a purpose.

Maybe I just need to seek God out more, after all, he has all the answers.

September 10, 2010

goodnight dear void

in the words of Kathleen Kelly...

" Sometimes I wonder about my 

life. I lead a small life - well, 

valuable, but small - and 

sometimes I wonder, do I do it

 because I like it, or because I

 haven't been brave? So much of

 what I see reminds me of 

something I read in a book, when

 shouldn't it be the other way

 around? I don't really want an 

answer. I just want to send this 

cosmic question out into the void.

 So good night, dear void..."

September 08, 2010

take advantage of rainy days.

enjoy the smell of rain and slower pace it brings to your afternoon.

wear your sweat pants all afternoon.

throw your hair up in a frizzy mess.

listen to frank sinatra, michael buble, norah jones and anything relaxing.

know you're cute toting that patterned umbrella.

rock your rainboots.

drink endless amounts of coffee.

indulge in a delicious bowl of soup in those half summer half fall kind of days.

listen to the falling raindrops outside your window.

refill your coffee cup once more.

put a movie on and a cozy pair of socks.

dream of "...a foggy day in london town"

get excited for christmas a few months around the corner.

splash in the big puddles.

and most of all, be thankful for those puffy gray clouds and the glorious rain that they bring.

September 05, 2010

this, not that!

I would choose...

  • Chocolate over vanilla
  • Baked over fried
  • Backstreet Boys over N*sync
  • A few close friends over Lots of friends
  • Republican over Democrat
  • Love over Money
  • mountains over beach
  • Basketball over football
  • introverted over extroverted
  • Brains over Beauty
  • half empty over half full
  • NC over SC
  • English over Math
  • Taller guys over shorter guys (more like average..but I guess I'd choose tall)
  • coffee over hot chocolate
  • Edward over Jacob
  • NC STATE over UNC

  • Left over right
  • dogs over cats
  • Rock over Pop
  • Confident over insecure
  • soft shell over hard
  • Milk over OJ
  • Necklace over bracelet
  • Pancake over waffle
  • Wendys over Mcdonalds
  • open over closed
  • Turkey over ham
  • Silver over gold
  • sound over silence
  • plain over painted nails (because I'm lazy)
  • fall over summer
  • USC over Clemson
  • Light over dark
  • cold over hot
  • Japanese over chinese
  • Sneakers over sandals
  • sweet and salty are tied...
  • harry over voldemort (DUH!)
  • chocolate over fruity icecream
  • salt over pepper
  • Truth over dare
  • skittles over m&ms
  • cute over hott
  • walk over run
  • funny over romantic 
  • creamy over crunchy peanut butter
  • text over call
  • pen over pencil
  • inside over out (depending on the day, but normally inside)
  • long hair over short
  • brunette guys over blonde guys
  • computer over TV
  • Dr. Pepper over Mr. Pibb
  • Coke over Pepsi

September 02, 2010

a lifetime left to explore

" The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page. " ~St. Augustine

I sit here in bed, only a week after class has started, and I've already changed my major since the first day. 

I got to sophomore year as an undecided major with a creative writing minor and now I've changed to double majoring in Journalism & Advertising and still minoring in creative writing. 

3 concentrations...It's going to be A LOT of work.

But I think it will be worth it. One day, I'm sure it'll all pay off.

The crazy thing is going to be down the road when I look back at my life, say, ten years from now. It's going to be so different than what I think it is. 

I have so many things I want to do...

I want to travel the world...
I want to go to Ireland

I'd like to go to New Zealand 

I want to travel to Canada

I want to do something outrageous like skydiving or something
(this is Mark skydiving..CRAZYYY!!!)

I want to witness the Olympics...hopefully in London 2012

I want to write a book.

I want to go on a coffee expedition. I want to try a cup of coffee from a local coffee shop from every state in the U.S.

I want to rent a convertible and drive down an open highway going way way way too fast.

I want to one day be in good enough shape to compete in a triathlon. (yeah right)

I want to write a song on the guitar and sing it (if only to myself)

Here are some cool things I can check off my list

1. I got to sing the National anthem at a Red Sox and White Sox game with my church and we actually walked onto home plate! It was amazing.

2. I got to witness the freezing cold inauguration of President changing! 
heres a picture I took
3. Visit Europe with my family! So much fun!

I have been blessed with an AMAZING LIFE so far! I have witnessed things I never imagined and traveled to see more than ever expected. I know God has so much in store for me and I have my whole life ahead of me. There is still so much left out there for me to do! I can't wait to get started on it...

now the problem is deciding where to start!