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November 10, 2010

one answer.



 ...For every cry there is one answer - 

I need help
I AM.

I need strength
I AM.

I need to relax
I AM.

I need peace
I AM.

I need hope
I AM.

I need a friend
I AM.

I need support
I AM.

I'm pouring into others, who's pouring into me?
I AM.

Who could possibly be smart enough to figure this out?
I AM.

What works?
I AM.

I need to be cared for
I AM.

What lasts?
I AM.

What's the latest thing?
I AM.

I need a fresh start
I AM.

I need a bigger story
I AM.

I need a plan
I AM.

My vision is bigger than my resources
I AM.

Nothings real anymore
I AM.

Who can I trust?
I AM.

I'm not sure who's on my team
I AM.

Nobody's listening to me
I AM.

I don't have a prayer
I AM.

I can't hold on
I AM.

I'm not sure why I'm here
I AM.

I've given all I can and it's not enough
I AM.

I'm tired
I AM.

I quit!
I AM.

I can't!
I AM.

I need love
I AM. 

God says to you and me: " I am the way, 
I am the truth, 
I am the life. 
I am savior, 
I am Jesus - 
the solution, 
the planner,
the creator,
the restorer,
 the builder, 
the answer,

I am the Lord and there is no other."






- Louie Giglio

November 09, 2010

cut the crap.





What is college about exactly?

We're put here to learn obviously, but what else are we here to do?

We make friends.
But first we have to pick them out. We roam our eyes around the crowd and spot someone with a friendly face or an outfit that looks quote "normal".
We pick and choose who we want to trust and sometimes who we chose to trust in the beginning may not turn out to be a friend in the end

But occasionally someone we find will stick around
and if we're lucky, they'll be a friend for the rest of our life.


College is a journey.

Are we put here to follow the strictest rules and guidelines or are we put here to experience life?

Sometimes I just want to experience it all - every piece of it.

I like to imagine what life would be like free from morals or restraints.
It would be gritty and hard to swallow but it would be exciting

Was I put here to live the cookie cutter lifestyle that was set in front of me
or was I put here to reach out and touch the world with my own two hands?

College has brought about a lot of decisions for me.

Is it better to spend your time in a christian bubble or befriend the people that you genuinely have fun with and care about?

To be honest, what good does a christian circle of friends do when the second you're with them they bring you down just as much as the so called "sinner".

What good are they when you feel you can't have fun with them because they don't understand you're humor or the fact that spending time with christians 24/7 is not what we were put here to do.

Should I hold my morals strong and walk through life with my eyes on my feet never daring to step outside the line

or should I experience what it means to have no inhibitions?

I need to not only say that I have strong values but prove that they ARE STRONG because they are constantly being put to the test.

College is about judgement.
That's what they're doing. Those people in the library, the ones in crossroads and in the dining hall.

We're all doing it essentially. That's what we're here to do.
To judge whether or not we want to start up a conversation with you
and get to know you
and break down that wall of fake smiles and lame conversation and

ACTUALLY 


KNOW


 YOU.

They're out there people.
The friends that you REALLY want.
The ones that make you laugh until you cry and appreciate your sarcasm.

Someone who will love you no matter your beliefs, whiny voice, short attention span or scary background.

Someone who will drop everything to come pick you up.
Someone who doesn't care if you make mistakes.
Someone who loves you even if you make stupid decisions, but is willing to say " hey, you're right, that WAS stupid". 

Someone who is gonna say it straight.

I think what college is telling us is "cut the crap".

Make a real friend, get uncomfortable, mess up, learn about yourself.

This is your chance.  

November 08, 2010

what I want want want.



I want to smile
until my cheeks hurt.
I want to laugh until water 
pours out of my eyes.
I want walk in the wind
and squint my eyes in the sunshine. 
I want to drink coffee
that smells like the holidays.
I want to light a pine scented candle
and pretend like I live in a Christmas tree.
I want to lounge around in my comfiest pajamas
and sit un-lady like on the couch.
I want to scream in my head when
I'm angry even though I'd never do it in real life.
I want to waste time reading books
and just sit there and stare into space.
I want to eat food that fills me up
even though it's bad for me.
I want to fantasize about New York City
and having Starbucks in my hand.
I want to drink apple cider
and then tea, and then coffee again.
I want to put on socks 
while I sleep.
I want to watch Gilmore girls every day at 5
even though I've seen every episode.
I want to procrastinate
because I'm good at it.
I want to pretend like I'll exercise...
eventually.
I want to cook, eat out
and then cook again.
I want to go home and feel my dog
sleeping like a warm pillow on my feet.
I want to love my friends
and know they'll be there.

Happiness, it's all I want!

November 07, 2010

life.

"Life is too short 
to wake up with regrets.
Love the people 
who treat you right 
and forget the ones who don't. 
Believe that everything 
happens for a reason. 
If you get a chance- take it. 
If it changes your  life- let it. 
Nobody said life would 
be easy they just 
promised, it would 
be worth it...."


-Unknown

November 05, 2010

breathe.

I love seeing my breath.

Its like a little reminder - "Oh yeah, this is me. I'm alive..."

November 04, 2010

film.



CINEMA DREAM

I run through the halls
that lay secretly in my head.
Of cobblestone patterns
and hexagons shapes.

A movie drones on in my eyelids
of endearment and other foolish things. 
The reel forms a cinematic snake
upon the floor.

I hear a repetitious rhythm as my feet
hit
the
ground.

 In the
trapdoors of my thoughts
It's all black & white.

I continue towards
the boxes of things yet to be spoken
waiting behind my lips

to find a film strip 
which I grab and press against
 the window of my mind
to catch the moonlight.

A boy and girl
appear transparently in love.
Displaying what I can only
wish for.

Inwardly I smile.

My hopes appear
rectangularly shaped on
thin cellophane like strips.

"If only..."

Fluttering my eyes 
I'm sent spinning back to reality.

Another
 day 
wasted
 on 

dreaming. 




I never thought
I'd be a few months away 
from starting my second
semester as a sophomore
 in college and still 
have never had 
a boyfriend.


November 03, 2010

wanted -

WANTED:

SOLID GROUP OF FRIENDS



Its always been hard for me to feel like I belong and I don't really know why. 

Too picky about my friends? Maybe.
Introverted? Kind of.
Outgoing? When you get to know me!
Sarcastic? Always.
In need of friends? Definitely. 






"In contrast to how a child 

belongs 

in the world, 

adult belonging is never as

 natural, innocent, or playful. 

Adult belonging has to be chosen, 

received, and renewed.

It is a lifetime's work..." 

-John O'Donohue